It's been a loooong time coming but finally, another post in my series of (very) occasional blogs.
I'm happy to say that all's well and life is pretty good. I'm enjoying a period of relative stability in my mental health, my family are well and we have a new family member (about whom more later!)
My psychiatrist tells me that my schizoaffective disorder is currently 'in remission.' That's the medical terminology anyway. My layperson's version is to say I feel well and I'm coping with life (within certain parameters). The parameters are basically that I don't attempt anything that's too ambitious. For example, I tried going to a writing group run by MIND, singing in a choir and taking swimming lessons to improve my technique. Believe it or not, I found three activities a week too much. Not because I was lazy or couldn't be arsed, but because of the mental fatigue they induced. I'm still singing in the choir but I had to let the other activities go, at least for now. I'm not moaning about this, it's just how it was. Hopefully in future I'll be able to add to my repertoire of activities and manage better but I'm only just getting to grips with the fact that just because I can do a thing on one or two occasions, it doesn't mean I can necessarily be relied upon to do that thing all the time. Those of you with chronic physical health problems will no doubt relate to this, but as I say, it has taken a while for me to catch up.
It's hard to accept a slower pace of life when you've always been a busy person, but accept it I must as it's my new reality. I don't know whether I'll ever get back to being the person I once was, but actually I'm not convinced I'd want to. Things are different now and that's ok. That's not to say I don't feel frustrated, constrained or angry sometimes because I do, but when I stop to think about it I realise I'm probably one of the lucky ones.
Moving on, I have good news about the boys. They had a kidney appointment recently and in Joe's case, his protein creatinine ratio (the amount of protein excreted into the urine and a measure of kidney damage) has been brought under control by medication. What this means is that although Joe's kidneys are compromised and that situation will continue to worsen, end stage renal failure is being delayed by some years. Evan will be starting on the same medication soon, with a view to protecting his kidneys for as long as possible. Their deafness has stabilised too, they're both severely deaf but with their hearing aids they manage very well. Long may the present situation continue as Joe's now 15 and his GCSEs aren't too far away. I find it hard to believe that they're both teenagers, when I started writing this blog they were still little boys in primary school! How time flies.
We had some sad news in October with the sudden loss of our beloved greyhound, Barney. Luckily he didn't suffer for long and although the decision to have him put to sleep was one of the most difficult I've ever faced, it was really the only option when he was so poorly. Our home became a sad place for me and I missed him terribly. Some weeks later, a friend sent me a photo of a greyhound who needed a home. He was one of the long stayers in the kennels and had been routinely overlooked because he was big, black and male. (Rescue centres tell us that they really struggle to re-home black dogs, it's a known thing!) It wasn't long before that particular dog found a home, but by this time I was already committed to the idea of rehoming another greyhound.
A few weeks later, I was driving to Birmingham to collect another big, black, male greyhound. He had raced at Perry Barr for a few years and then retired. His name was Brandy. We renamed him Kuro (Japanese for black), did the adoption paperwork and drove him north to his new home. That was three weeks ago and as I write this, he's lying on his back in his bed, belly in the air, chewing a massive squeaky caterpillar. I think we can safely say he's settling in. Ok, he weed on the Christmas tree and sometimes wakes us up by woofing in the middle of the night, but he's part of our family now and that's the deal, you take the rough with the smooth.
Kuro is very different in character to our sedate old Barney. Barney was a soulful chap, who only ever barked a handful of times in his life. Kuro is very vocal and tells us when it's meal time, walk time or 'I just want a shout' time. He's playful, funny and wilful. Inquisitive, cheeky and lively. He's certainly keeping me on my toes and encouraging me to walk more! He's a fun dog, an excitable dog and he's ready to accompany me into this next stage of my life, whatever that may bring.
