Tuesday, 17 June 2014

What's been going on

It's been a while since I've posted on my blog so I thought I'd let everyone know what's been going on.

The geneticist finally confirmed our diagnosis of x-linked Alport Syndrome. The biggest surprise was that it had come from my Mum's side of the family, not my Dad's. There was some initial confusion about this as various past members of my Dad's family have had kidney disease. It turns out this was a red herring and nothing to do with Alports. So my Mum has Alports and it has now been confirmed that her kidney function is declining; something she was previously unaware of. At least she's now in the system and will get the care she needs.

We now know what to expect in terms of the boys' future kidney failure and it isn't pleasant. We also know that there's a 50/50 chance they'll need transplants before age 20. We suspect this will be the case for our sons as Joseph has visible blood in his wee, both boys' hearing loss was early in life and Joe's urine protein levels remain high, despite the fact he's now on medication. Which are all poor prognostic signs. We don't know for certain but the likelihood is they'll be unwell during their mid to late teens. It would be great if the medication delayed this til their 20s, after leaving school but at the moment we just don't know. It's very much a wait and see.

I felt very sad on the first day Joseph began taking medication because I realised he will be on medication of various kinds for the rest of his life. As will Evan. Currently it's just to protect renal function and slow the progression of kidney failure but inevitably that will increase. As kidney function declines, the boys will go on renal diets, they'll most likely become severely anaemic so will need extra iron, there'll be calcium to offset the effect of kidney disease on the bones (to stop them getting rickets, the consultant said). They'll introduce phosphate binders to aid the success of the renal diet and they'll be given growth hormones if they aren't fully grown by the time this all happens. Plus there'll be medicines to help with them actually feeling unwell And then there'll be heavy duty medication prior to the transplant, then afterwards to stop the organ being rejected. It's no party, having Alports and all medical attention is focused on treating the symptoms because nothing can be done to stop it.

It often feels incredibly harsh and unfair, yet at the moment, both boys are well and they're happy. Despite all of this going on in the background, they are both excelling at school. Joseph will be doing level 6 SATS next year as he's extremely bright and capable (brief Mumbrag there, I do apologise!) Evan is the same in his own unique way. Their hearing aids have really boosted their learning and the school and audiology team have continued to offer first class support. I'm extremely proud of them both and it feels so unfair that a few genetic spelling mistakes have resulted in all of this.

As you might imagine, all of this has taken a huge toll on my mental health. That's why I've been so quiet, I've actually been really unwell. I'm now getting the right kind of help but it takes a bit of time. I've been grieving, I suppose; dealing with the loss of my children's health (and potentially my own, since I have it too. And then of course there's my Mum). It hasn't been an easy time at all. On the upside, for now we are all physically well enough to live as positively as we can. As soon as my mental health permits it, I'll be properly back at work. Life goes on, because it has to.          

Tuesday, 11 March 2014

Getting on with it...

I realised yesterday that I haven't written a blog post for quite a while so here's an update of what's been going on with us lot. 

First up, some good news. The boys now have their all singing, all dancing, sparkly new hearing aids. Admittedly they don't do much in the way of singing or dancing, but they do sparkle. It was the first day of wearing them to school yesterday and I'm happy to say it all went well. Lots of interested questions from classmates, a fair bit of "take them out and give us a better look, then" and the realisation that school can sometimes be a very noisy place!

I've been really impressed with the way the school have handled the whole deafness thing; they've neither dismissed it nor made it into a big drama. They just see it as some children need a bit of technological and practical support to help their learning and they'll make sure that happens. For Joe, who needs a bit more support than his brother, they're going to set up an FM system that broadcasts the sound from a teacher's microphone directly to his hearing aids, rather than amplifying the whole room. The deaf and hearing impaired team from the local authority will also assess the school's provision to make sure it remains both relevant to and adequate for the boys. Alport's deafness is progressive, so at some point Evan will also need extra hearing support but for now he's ok with his sparkly green ear wear. I'm happy that the school are getting the balance right and are providing practical support to help the boys to get on with all things school related, while we get on with the parenting stuff.

Since I last posted here, a few other things have moved along. The results of several tests have shown that Joseph already has kidney disease. This was a bit of a blow as it moved him from being "at risk" of kidney disease to showing he already has it. This means instead of planning a transplant in the dim and distant future (possibly as late as his thirties), it may well be necessary before he's twenty. End stage renal failure before age twenty means the juvenile form of Alport's and whatever happens to Joseph will also apply to his brother, unfortunately, so the message is very much to get out there and enjoy being in good health!  

In the short term, Joseph has a kidney biopsy in a couple of weeks (to confirm the diagnosis once and for all, and also assess the extent of kidney damage). He'll also be starting medication to prolong kidney function, although unfortunately it doesn't stop the problems altogether. On the plus side, we aren't quite at the stage of the dreaded 'kidney diet.' I was told by a renal nurse "it's a lot less grim than it used to be," which is faint praise if ever I heard it! So for now it's a case of a generally healthy diet, no added salt and avoiding the ready made or convenience stuff. Good dietary advice for any of us, really, and thankfully no need to start thinking about weird practices like double boiling the potatoes. Apparently, many of the tricky foods on a renal diet are vegetables, which  might mean that veg-averse Joe is better equipped than some to get used to that, when it comes along!

During all of this, I've become increasingly aware of the experimental nature of medicine in patients with rare diseases. The doctors told us that Joe's medication could help delay the onset of end stage renal failure. Note the cautionary use of the word "could," as it hasn't actually been tested for that purpose. There's a clinical trial going on in Germany at the moment but for now it's being used off-label, based on promising laboratory results. That's justification enough for me; it's unlikely to cause harm and it may help. Most importantly though, there's nothing else! That's as good as it gets for Alports, until you need a transplant. Such is the nature of rare diseases, I suppose; they're little understood. At the moment, scientists are getting to grips with the genetics side and it'll be great if that also leads to innovations in terms of treatment. I'm almost tempted to don a white coat and have a go myself, but anyone who knows me knows I'm far too clumsy for lab work!

So there you go, a bit of a mixed bag for us all. We're doing ok, the kids are well and as lively as ever. Evan is enjoying his drumming (the neighbours probably aren't, although thankfully he's now getting pretty good!) We've found a music teacher willing to take on a deaf kid to learn the piano (Joe), so in between that, school and their love of Minecraft, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars and Doctor Who, the Alports stuff doesn't really get a look in. Just as it should be!  

Wednesday, 5 February 2014

Robot ears

Yesterday, the boys went to choose their hearing aids. As I mentioned previously, along with progressive kidney damage, a typical symptom of Alports Syndrome is sensorineural deafness, caused by the ongoing breakdown of the collagen membrane found in the ear.

We knew that Joseph had hearing problems and it turns out he's moderately deaf in both ears. His hearing loss includes the tones used in everyday speech, so it's no great surprise he was struggling to keep up with conversation. Evan is also moderately deaf, but at the moment his hearing loss only affects one ear.

So yesterday was hearing aid day. This involved lots of laughing at one another whilst having ears filled with purple putty to create an ear-shaped mould, as well as the serious business of deciding what colour of hearing aid to choose. In typical understated fashion, Joe's are bright orange and Evan's glittery green. (As you do!) They now have to wait about 4 weeks whilst they're being made, as each one is created especially for the wearer.

The whole experience has reminded me just how brilliant kids are at dealing with things that we adults might consider a big deal. As far as Joseph is concerned, he's "hearing impaired, not deaf, deaf makes people think I can't hear anything, when actually I can." Fair point! For both of them, wearing hearing aids is a simple answer to a simple problem. As Evan put it, who wouldn't want "robot ears?!" And personalised robot ears at that. I'm not dismissing the seriousness or significance of hearing loss, I'm just saying that the boys have been surprisingly matter of fact about it all. I daresay this attitude will serve them well with what's likely to happen in the future with this disease.

The audiologist directed me to this website, where you can hear what the world sounds like to someone with hearing loss.... http://www.hearinglikeme.com/facts/what-hearing-loss/hearing-loss-simulator-understanding-mild-and-moderate-hearing-loss

Have a listen and see what you think! The speech sounds in particular were quite a shock. I'd imagined that sounds might be faint or indistinct, but I hadn't considered how muffled things would be. I realised that the world is organised primarily for the benefit of those who hear well, at the expense of those who do not. Tannoy announcements, for example, are usually made in crowded places with lots of background noise such as train stations, and are very difficult to understand when you're hearing impaired. Joseph told me how in class, he can hear his teacher as long as he can see him (thanks to the benefits of lip reading.) If a lesson involves the use of a whiteboard, then depending on where his teacher stands, this can create problems as he has to choose between either looking at the board or hearing his teacher! Simple things like that could be easily overcome, but unless it's brought to the attention of the teacher, they might not even be aware that it's an issue. I'm sure there are many more examples which I've previously never considered but will soon learn. I was advised by the audiologist, for example, that negotiating traffic and cycling can be more difficult for hearing impaired kids, as they don't have the added input of sound to help them judge distances.

I'm glad the boys will soon have hearing aids to help with some of these issues but I'm also thankful for the reminder that not everyone has full hearing. 

Saturday, 11 January 2014

A medical mystery

This week, after several weeks of uncertainty, we have learned that the boys and I have a rare genetic kidney disorder called Alport Syndrome. At this stage, the doctors are going with a "probable Alports" theory, which will be finally confirmed (or not) once we've had genetic testing. 
Alports is caused by a mutation in the genes responsible for building the basement membrane within the kidney. The membrane is made of collagen and acts like a sieve, filtering the blood. In some people, the genetic code for creating and maintaining this membrane gets mixed up and the result is (doctors think) a poorly constructed membrane and one that is easily broken down by the body's natural processes. Similar collagen structures are also found in the inner ear and the eyes and in Alports patients, also tend to degrade over time.
In Alports, the membrane in the kidney starts to leak; subtly at first, but later more dramatically. One of the earliest signs of the disease is blood in the urine. Typically this is in microscopic quantities, but occasionally (in particular when someone has a cough or a cold) it's visible to the naked eye. As the disease progresses, the membrane continues to leak, eventually to the point where the kidneys fail and the person needs dialysis and / or a kidney transplant.  
Our story has been textbook so far. My eldest son Joseph, who's 10, has been becoming progressively deaf, something we initially attributed to the fact he'd had lots of ear infections when he was small. His hearing had been tested age 5 and we'd been told it was slightly below average but still within normal range. We were reassured he'd grow out of having ear infections and his hearing would be ok. Since age 8 though, his hearing seemed to get worse and in the last few months he'd started needing subtitles when watching telly.
In amongst all this, in October my youngest son (8) was sent home from school feeling poorly. Nothing specific, just obviously not his usual lively self. The following day, he'd forgotten to flush the toilet and I noticed his wee looked like coca cola. Off we went to the doctors, he was given antibiotics and we were asked to drop off another urine sample once he'd finished the course. He was well again soon after starting the medicine, so we dropped in the sample, thinking that would be the last of it. We got a call from the surgery later that day; his wee had been tested and whilst free of infection, there were other "abnormalities." Could we make an appointment the following week? So we did. Lo and behold, blood and a trace of protein in his wee. "I'm going to refer him to a specialist as a precaution" our GP said. "I'm sure it's nothing to worry about but these infections are rare in little boys and we need to know why he's got the blood and protein in his urine."
The first specialist ran some tests on Evan and a few days later, rang to say his tests had been broadly normal, aside from the blood in his wee. Then he said "this is just a theory, but with your renal history I think we should have your other son tested. Two of you, different ages and sexes might be a coincidence. Three of you might mean something else. Can you drop off a urine sample at the doctors?" Which we did. And that was how it started; the journey from healthy family to...well, something else.
The renal nephrologist started to piece together a jigsaw. In Alports, a diagnosis is usually reached after first excluding everything else because lots of things can cause blood in the urine. Protein is more unusual, especially in children, but progressive sensorineural deafness is something of a smoking gun; it simply isn't a feature of other renal disorders. The disease is much more serious in males, it's a bit like haemophilia, where women carry it and typically have milder symptoms, but their sons get the full blown disease. In 100% of male Alports patients, the kidneys will fail. The question isn't if, it's when. Genetic testing will tell us whether we are in the 80% of families where the kidneys fail in early life (typically starting in the teens, shortly after the hearing loss becomes noticeable). In some variants, kidney failure is delayed until middle age.  
The future we had in mind as a family is now in question as we have no idea whether the boys will be having dialysis during their teens. Obviously this would have all sorts of implications and perhaps understandably, we are hoping they'll be in the lucky minority who are able to live a healthy life for longer. Even if they are in the majority, there seems to be quite a lot of variation between patients. 
Sadly there is no cure for Alports, although the disease can be slowed with the use of ACE inhibitors (which I'm on to protect my kidney function.) Hearing aids will help and we will all be monitored regularly.
It's now all about living life and enjoying it. None of us know whether we will be in good health next week, next month or next year but the boys are healthy, for now. I predict an ongoing series of adjustments as things gradually start to progress. At the moment for us though, Alports is more of an idea than a practical reality. My kidney function is stable for now, although I'm having another operation in March to correct a related issue.
It's been a worrying and frustrating time and even once we found out what was going on, we struggled to believe it was true. I think we are still in shock at the moment. Definitely a useful reminder that you never know what people have going on in their lives!

Sunday, 3 November 2013

What's in a name?

Last month, I took part in a mental health focus group with members of NSUN (The National Survivor Unit Network.) It gave me a lot to think about regarding language, stigma and personal identity within mental health. The discussions highlighted, for me, the contested (and contentious!) topic of identity and labelling within mental health. This blog post is me taking the opportunity to write and expand on some of the interesting thoughts that came out of the discussions. My ideas are a bit half formed at the moment, I don't necessarily agree with the views expressed but the discussions certainly gave me food for thought and will help direct further thinking and reading. Those taking part in discussions consented to the use of their words in this blog and all names have been changed  for the purposes of anonymity.

Discussion started around the question "what do you tell others about your mental health?" This led to a conversation about the benefits or otherwise of disclosing about mental health difficulties in non-official situations. Opinions varied, with some people saying they were generally open about their own mental health (where appropriate), and others saying they preferred to keep disclosure to a minimum until they felt they knew someone reasonably well.

Context was important. Angie said "Well I didn't have a choice about disclosing in certain situations. First of all I was sending in sick notes to work, then occupational health needed to know, then I went onto SSP and was claiming benefits. Practically every form I filled in wanted chapter and verse and  friends and family knew and were always asking how I was doing so it felt like my health had become public property. So that made me a bit more choosy privately about who I tell. If it's relevant I will, but otherwise, no."   

Mark agreed about the importance of context and that sharing information about his mental health sometimes made him feel it was no longer his own, "I'm fine talking about it if it's relevant. Or with people that know me and ask how I am but really want to know. What I've found though is if I mention mental health to people I don't know well, I'm asked about it like 'why? What's wrong with you?' And that gets my back up. People are curious which I don't think is always a bad thing but some people think me telling them anything entitles them to an opinion and that I should listen to it. So this thing I live with every day isn't my own any more. But not in the way of a problem shared is a problem halved. Everyone's an expert when they know someone who's been depressed. So to save on all that, I tend not to say. The way I look at it is that it's mine, so they're not entitled to an opinion."

Simon agreed, "I think it depends who it is and why they want to know. If it's so they can understand something, fine. If it benefits them more than it benefits me though, I just keep it really general." Simon went on to explain that for him, identifying as someone with a particular diagnosis had been both positive and negative. He acknowledged that it had opened doors to accessing health and social services, helped him form an identity and given him something around which to organise requests for practical and emotional support. However, more recently he had begun to self-identify as a "survivor", which to him had become a way of publicly acknowledging living with mental health challenges, as well as his experiences in the psychiatric system, which in his words had at various times been "good, bad and indifferent, but occasionally traumatic. The very system that kept me alive also had me locked into a way of thinking that did me no good at all." As such, he now sees the idenity of 'survivor' as more fitting and appropriate than being specific about a diagnosis.

This moved the conversation on to whether it's necessary to disclose a diagnosis socially in order to feel acknowledged and understood, and whether it's possible to identify as someone with mental health difficulties without being stereotyped or pigeonholed. Some members of the group felt that by publicly identifying with a particular diagnosis (using terms with which people are already familiar) this conveys the hopeful message that  mental health issues are common but at the same time, people are resilient and able to find creative ways to live with them. Ultimately, they argued, this might help to reduce stigma. Others disagreed, arguing that by disclosing a diagnosis they are potentially giving people the opportunity to view them through a diagnostic lens first, encouraging the idea that they are ill (bearing in mind not everyone with mental health difficulties considers themselves to be unwell.) Others felt that being open about a diagnosis encourages others to see everyday interactions with that diagnosis in mind, perhaps in a stereotypical manner, something they found dehumanising and stigmatising. However, as Trish pointed out, "being able to talk about your mental health at all is progress compared to the days when mental health was something to be ashamed of."

Certain members of the group believed that the choice to disclose mental health problems had implications beyond simply being a matter of personal choice. Mark, for example, expressed the view that it isn't a straightforward case of "self-imposed identities good, labels given by others, bad" because "sometimes the labels we give ourselves are just as damaging."

In Angie's opinion, "identifying so strongly with a diagnosis that it becomes part of who you are might be really unhelpful." She described her discomfort when others choose to talk about their own mental health in particular ways; "When I hear anyone say something like 'I'm bipolar,' I cringe. How can you BE bipolar? You might live with it, you might have it, you might even suffer from it, although personally I hate that term, but you can't actually be it. Why would anyone want to be defined by something they see as an illness?"

I'm not sure whether people actively seek to "define themselves" in relation to a mental health diagnosis, surely only they can say what particular meaning this holds for them, perhaps it's more a case of them acknowledging something that has formed an important part of their life? But still, Angie's opinion was that "sometimes it becomes bigger than the person." Some members of the group argued that identity is a matter of personal choice, so it's not appropriate for others to decide what language someone else should or shouldn't use. Others believed that because language has power that extends beyond the individual, it can never be an exclusively personal issue.

Everyone agreed that raising awareness of mental health issues and reducing stigma were positive things to work towards, but there was some discomfort around the particular type of "visibility" on offer. Angie described it as follows: "I get what you mean about stigma but I'm not ok about being an ambassador for mental illness. How can I if I don't see myself as ill? The anti-stigma campaigns are based on the idea we're ill and we can't help it. Why should I feel under pressure to define myself in a way that doesn't feel right just because it's more comfortable for others?" 

Others spoke about the individual's right to choose how they self define, considering the important thing to be that people have a choice. "Except" said Mark, "it's not a choice if all the options available say there's something wrong with you!" Mark suggested that identity has wider implications because "certain labels come with inbuilt limitations."
To me, this brought to mind the social model of disability, which suggests that a person isn't in themselves disabled, but that society effectively disables the person by creating a physical and social world where not being disabled becomes the "norm" and anything else is seen as deviant. Our reluctance to accommodate human diversity leads to some becoming disabled, sometimes in the physical sense of being unable to gain access, or in the more figurative sense being constrained by attitudes about what people can or cannot do. The "impairment" (the approved term in social models of disability, I'm told) is real, but the "disability" is socially created. Labels can be limiting as they invite the observer to 'construct' a range of possibilities for the disabled person, often using the observer's own standard of reference, particularly problematic if that observer happens to be non disabled. This can lead to inaccurate and patronising assumptions about what a disabled person can and can't do.

Simon wondered whether in  choosing not to self disclose in order to save his mental health from becoming public property, this renders him invisible, so he cannot then challenge prejudice and misinformation. Trish said she understood this and that in her opinion, the best way to challenge stigma would be if everyone was more open about their mental health. After all, "choosing to be silent about your own stuff doesn't change the prejudice others face." Which was an interesting point.   

I think these exchanges show that it would be a mistake to assume that "mental health service users" are one and the same. Having a diagnosis in common should not imply sameness any more than having brown hair or blue eyes should imply commonality.

Sunday, 20 October 2013

Not everything that counts can be counted.

A brief post about missed opportunities....

Last Friday at a conference, a professor presented a huge, several years-long, multi-million pound study into the relationship between heart attacks and depression. In the early 90s, a group of academics in Toronto found that depressed patients fared worse, both physically and mentally and across a wide range of measures, after a heart attack. Twenty years later, a similarly huge study in Manchester used a vast array of sophisticated quantitative measures to establish a similar link between depression and poor outcomes following heart attack. They also found that those who were depressed *before* their heart attack fared considerably better than those who developed reactive depression afterwards. The single greatest influence on both physical and emotional wellbeing was whether or not the patient had a "close confidante" to talk to. As a counsellor, this didn't surprise me but it did make me wonder whether medical staff ask what emotional support people have before they are discharged, as I suspect the focus might be on physiological recovery.

However, what I found most frustrating about this study was that for all the time and money spent and all the sophisticated scales of measurement used, nobody asked the "depressed before" patients *why* they believed their mood was better following their attack. Which, in my opinion, was a massive missed opportunity. Might it, for example, be because surviving a life-threatening health crisis encourages people to develop a different outlook on life? I realise that an individual study can't necessarily pursue every angle but as this was an unexpected finding, I would have thought researchers would follow it up. Perhaps further research is ongoing as a separate project?

I think in psychology though, the obsession with using standardised scales and measures can really get in the way of understanding peoples' actual experiences. I think there is great value to introducing a qualitative dimension to more studies. For me, it's not enough to know that something is going on, I want to know why and what it means to the people involved. Identifying trends and tendencies is all very well, but in failing to unpick these further, we are missing out on what we could have learned.

Sunday, 15 September 2013

It's all in your head, isn't it?

I thought I'd write a few words about attitudes towards invisible illness. My research at the moment is leading me to investigate perceptions of visible and invisible disability and how, when the symptoms are physical but the medics can't find a cause, a condition tends to be classed as psychological in origin. Which, in some peoples' eyes, is synonymous with it not being real. It's early days in my reading into psychosomatic medicine but it's already throwing up some interesting ideas. Here are a few of them and feel free to suggest anything I've missed (a lot, as I say very early days.)

A friend of mine lives with a medical condition that causes debilitating pain, exhaustion and illness. She's registered as disabled but the invisible nature of her illness suggests to some that she isn't *really* disabled at all. I've seen her subjected to hostility and verbal abuse when, for example, after legitimately parking her car in a disabled spot, the absence of any visible signs of disability (a wheelchair, perhaps, or at least a pair of crutches) causes the self-appointed disability police to question her right to be there. Of course the majority don't say anything outright but it's there in *the look;* when someone starts to resemble a human owl as they attempt to rotate their head 360 degrees to have a good old gawp. I've watched people pass by, only to double back in order to check that her blue badge is "legit." Once they see that it is, the inference of those tuts and eye rolls is clear; "you're not really disabled" or "you're not disabled enough to qualify." It's funny how this kind of thinking transforms something that many of us take for granted (mobility, independence) into a privilege that seemingly needs to be justified. It's not a huge leap from this to seeing the few adaptations society makes for those with disabilities as advantages or evidence of special treatment. Which is important because in order to qualify for special treatment you need to prove you've 'earned' it. 

I'm not suggesting it's always straightforward to evidence the impact of visible disability, particularly in the current political climate, but when you consider that signs indicating "disability" tend to depict a wheelchair user, I suspect this visual shorthand reflects our cultural understanding of what disability looks like, with implications for disabilities or illnesses which don't fit the expected or recognised pattern.

Changes in human rights legislation (and to an extent, shifting public opinion) have ensured it's unlawful to openly discriminate against disabled people but when it comes to public perceptions, it seems that some are seen as more disabled than others. It'd be crass to suggest that people with visible disabilities aren't discriminated against, harassed or abused; they are. However, a physically disabled colleague of mine made an interesting point; she said that unlike some, she doesn't have the option to "hide" her disability. To borrow her exact words, she can't pass as able bodied "because my disability is right there in peoples' faces." This is true and has a range of implications in itself but it also raises the (implied) suggestion that those with invisible disabilities are somehow more able to choose whether they're seen as disabled or not. I wonder whether this sort of thinking is one reason why people with invisible disabilities are often portrayed as malingerers; the suspicion being that they either have control over their symptoms or that they're entirely fabricated for the purpose of playing the system. There is political capital to be gained by the notion that 'undeserving' people are somehow getting something for nothing at the taxpayer's expense; a position that's aided and abetted when newspapers gleefully report on stories of fraudulent benefit claims. Yet the idea of control over symptoms is reminiscent of "pull yourself together," "think yourself better" or "a positive attitude beats cancer!" The point is not that a person with an invisible illness is able to choose whether they're disabled on a Monday then be able bodied by Thursday, the illness or disability is always there, it's just not immediately apparent to others. As though only validation by the gaze of others can make it real. In a sense, yes, someone might potentially "pass" as able bodied but by framing it in terms which imply a person can control the extent of their illness speaks volumes as it suggests the possibility of fraud and introduces the language of suspected dishonesty.

In a system where evidence of disability is required in order to access particular services or claim benefits, this has significant consequences. The burden of proof is considerable in certain invisible disabilities. There are some which are medically validated; cancer and heart disease immediately spring to mind, but demonstrating the impact of some other conditions can be more difficult. A diagnosis may not in itself sufficient in some cases, such is the variable nature of certain conditions. Some people with severe arthritis, for example, may be able to work despite considerable pain whereas others may be bedridden. The "think yourself well" brigade would have us believe that the difference is purely psychological and that people who are severely incapacitated need Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) to address their unhelpful illness beliefs. My personal belief is that therapy can be helpful in dealing with the consequences of debilitating illness but it doesn't in itself stop pain or restricted mobility. 

Furthermore, there are conditions where both cause and treatments are contested and where the absence of cast iron biological evidence has led to a desire to classify them as psychiatric, rather than physical, illnesses. Many people living with ME / CFS are fighting against the condition being classified as psychological in origin; equivocal scientific evidence has led to some (including a number of high profile psychiatrists) arguing that the condition should be seen as predominantly psychological with physical expression. This has been strongly refuted by many, who point to the sheer variety of debilitating physical symptoms (leading, in some cases, to death) and reporting that any depressive component is secondary. After all, they say, who wouldn't feel depressed living with chronic pain and illness as well as being told they're "not actually ill?" A number of people argue that that the suggested (psychological) interventions of CBT and graded exercise therapy (GET) are frequently counterproductive and tend to make the symptoms worse. Having not researched this area specifically I can't make particularly informed comments about the evidence for either perspective but in terms of my ideas about invisible disability, I do think the evident need for validation that it's a "real" physical illness, or perhaps a group of illnesses, raises interesting questions about other forms of invisible disability, mental illness. Are they somehow "less real?" Are people angered by the potential misclassifications because a psychiatric diagnosis doesn't match their experiences of physical symptoms or because a physical illness or disability seems somehow "more legitimate?" (Less of the suspicion it may be "all in your head?") My personal belief is that away from the science, there is probably something else going on. Just because we don't know exactly what causes something and there isn't a cast iron diagnostic test doesn't make an illness less real. It's worth remembering that until relatively recently, MS was also seen as living on the border between the physical and psychological but the pendulum has latterly swung in favour of the biological. I think many people living with ME/CFS are hoping the same will be found to be true of their condition. The absence of biological markers in psychiatry hasn't made variations in mental health any less "real" but classifying an illness as psychiatric does have profound implications for peoples' treatment options, the resources devoted to it and public perceptions of those living with various conditions. The ambiguity of certain conditions challenges the authority of doctors as "experts" and in the absence of concrete answers, it's tempting to offer CBT in an attempt to reframe the illness and when this fails, to blame the patient for their inability to "think themselves well." Interesting. There will be more to come on this, I think....  

Wednesday, 20 March 2013

Ugly Culture

Recently I've noticed a few Twitter accounts devoted to giving anybody who is less than 100% attractive and / or photogenic, 100% of the time, a public kicking on account of their appearance. Admittedly, some of the 'characters' featured are seemingly doing their level best to look ridiculous and admittedly, some of them look pretty comical. We've all had a discreet laugh at some eccentrically attired person on the bus, a few of us might have taken a photo to show our friends but what's different about these accounts is that there seems to be something of the virtual lynch mob about them. The photos are lifted without permission from say, someone's instagram account, or captured in the street without the subject's consent, then uploaded to a centralised account along with a cruel caption or hashtag and tweeted to thousands of followers so they can all have a jolly good laugh. 

Seeing this made me wonder at what point it became ok to single someone out as an example of a "minger" or a "slob" simply because they happen to offend your aesthetic sensibilities? Whatever happened to live and let live? According to this spurious logic, being in possession of a few excess pounds, having wayward hair, funny teeth or unusual taste in clothes makes someone fair game for abuse. When exactly did it become ok to be so unkind? Anyone would think that the self-appointed appearance police have never had a bad photo taken, made a poor clothing choice or gone out looking less than perfect.

And maybe that's the point. Maybe the only way some people can feel ok about their own inadequacies is to look at someone else and say "well at least I'm not as bad as *that!*" Yet whilst it no doubt says more about the observer than the observed, I think this kind of activity is bad for us all. I think it normalises cruelty and substitutes vindictiveness for wit. If a group was to gather around a colleague's desk to mock and jeer their appearance, it'd rightly be seen as bullying or harassment and disciplinary action could be taken. Retweeting a photo of a stranger minding their own business, with the caption "check out this beast, lol" is pretty much the same thing in my book. Is that really something to lol about?

Several young people in my social circle have been made to feel less than ok about themselves on account of how they look or choose to dress. Most of us would agree this isn't fair, yet our generosity of spirit often seems to extend only to people we know, or people like us, leaving strangers as fair game. We talk the talk where internet bullying is concerned, happily sharing motivational quotes about how people should be "true to themselves and feel comfortable in our own skin." Yet so long as we are retweeting those 'comedy' photos, we are sending mixed messages; it's ok for us to look however we like, yet we reserve the right to rip the piss out of people we don't know for choosing to do exactly the same.

I don't subscribe to the idea that this is harmless banter. I think this sort of negative 'laughing at' rather than 'laughing with' coarsens our culture and eats away at whatever remaining care and respect we have for one another. I fail to see how making someone feel bad about themselves on account of their appearance or dress sense, then encouraging others to jump on the bandwagon could ever be a positive thing. It's cruelty for the sake of cruelty in a culture already chock full of challenges to self esteem. If we paid less attention to appearances and more attention to what is actually said and done, we would see where true ugliness lies.