Those who don't hear voices might consider the experience frightening, or as evidence of madness. Some people associate it with religious zealotry or even criminality. However, my experience of hearing voices ranges from being ordinary and everyday, to being something of an ordeal.
The author Jeanette Winterson reminds us that in the past, voices were seen as respectable and desired. In her book 'Why be happy when you could be normal?,' she describes voice hearing as a phenomenon experienced by "the visionary, the prophet, the shaman and the wise-woman. And the poet, obviously." Others see voice hearing as a creative and ingenious survival strategy, a meaningful experience to be explored.
Long before I started hearing voices, I heard my own thoughts in audible form. I was shocked as a child when I discovered that not everybody hears their own thoughts. I wonder to this day what it might be like to have a quiet mind, since mine is often chaotic and messy, with thoughts being so simultaneous that I'm assaulted by a cacophony of noise. That's why regular peace and quiet is so important to me.
My experience of voice hearing is different to my audible thoughts. "Voices" sound as though somebody is standing by my side, speaking to me. I know that if I can't see anybody there, the voice is coming from inside my head. I can then choose to ignore the voice or take notice of it if it's telling me something useful! Voice hearing isn't always unpleasant you see; sometimes the voices are helpful, for example, reminding me of important things I need to do or think about. Occasionally my voices are humorous.
I recognise a range of different voices, but every so often an unfamiliar one joins the crowd. I usually hear the voices one at a time, but during periods of extreme stress, I hear multiple voices, sometimes talking between themselves or competing with one another for attention.
Sometimes, the tone of the voices changes from neutral to negative and they become hostile and critical. Occasionally the voices take on a sinister tone, urging me to take action which would be harmful. Music through headphones helps, as does distraction, but in rare cases, when the voices are commanding, I'm at risk of acting upon what they tell me to do. This is when I choose to take medication. The medication quietens things down but it does so at a significant cost. My intellect is dulled. I lose my sparkle, I'm sleepy and I gain weight. Life seems to slow right down; I sleep, eat and move only when necessary. Life simply becomes a long, slow pause and there are times when even breathing becomes a conscious task. Thankfully, for most of the time, the voices and I coexist peacefully and I've managed without the need for medication.
Overall, I don't consider voice hearing and hearing my own thoughts as a blessing, nor do I see it as a curse. It simply is. It's part of who I am; as much a part of me as breathing in and out.
